“I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it”.
This post resonated with me in so many ways, not the least of which are these words: “I thought I had wanted to get lost but it was the opposite. I wanted to be understood. I wanted to be left alone with my books and my words and I wanted to understand why I hated myself so much. I wanted someone to look at me and say You are not irrelevant. You are not bad. You do not need to disappear.”
It’s been such a long journey, but at long last I have reached a point where I can agree – “The moon is never missing any of itself. We just can’t see it. You are like that too. I can see it. You are all there. You are not irrelevant, you are not nothing, you do matter, you do fit in. I can see all of it.”
I have often felt as restless as the earth, as afflicted. As inconsolable.
This is to all the I am irrelevants: You’re not.
Some irrelevant things might be: getting into a perfect crow pose in a yoga class, finding a grey hair, your jeans, what kind of car you have, whether you like to have sex with men or women (or both.)
This is to all the people who howl at the moon how lost they are, how bad they suck, how little they have to offer. This is to the voices that speak in a languages that love doesn’t understand. A language that sounds like this: I am nothing, I do not matter, I don’t fit in. This is a language that often can’t be translated and when it is, it is found out to be gibberish. Bullshit. Untruths.
This is to you all.
I drove across country when…
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