Just Gotta…

This is how I feel right now…

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Letting Go

Remove Toxins

via iReleaseEndorphins 

What you allow

via Rinf.com

Peaceful Life

via Truth Network

Let Them Go

via Sun Gazing

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

I am a peaceful person, and it has bothered me enormously that one of my adult children has become – to put it bluntly and honestly – a slandering pathological liar. It was bad enough for her to repeatedly verbally attack me publicly via the written word, but it is worse that she insists upon dragging my younger children into things. This must stop. I am perfectly within my rights not only to shut this ‘daughter’ of mine out of my life, and the lives of my younger children – and I will be perfectly within my rights to take legal action if necessary.

I know that the person I am speaking of reads this blog, and at this point this is the only means I have of directly making a point. Any further points I need to make to this person will be made by an attorney.

At the very least, I hope the shared images might help others who are dealing with toxic people. Let them go!

Healing

“Every one of my scars both inside and out, tell my stories.
Of how, though wounded, I fought. I conquered… And I eventually healed.

My scars make up who I am. Who I was.
They remind me of how life can deal nasty blows.
But eventually I will heal.”

~J. Manning

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

You have healed when it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.
When a day goes by without it stabbing you in the heart.
When you let it go without having to tell yourself to let it go.
When you know you’ve moved forward and made progress.
When you can hear that song and not fall apart.
When you know how stronger you are for all of it. …

When you make different decisions because you’re wiser.
When you know you are not broken.
When forgiveness comes easier. When you shine brighter than before.
When you’ve faced what needed to be faced.
You have healed.
~ Allison Nazarian

Still Dreaming

Ah, the memories ♥

This is the first ‘film’ I ever made…inspired by the Great and Powerful Professor Oz in Law and Society. It’s only a little over a minute long.

The second film I made was “Rainy Day Skating intro” – about our drive from the countryside into the city to go to skating practice (11 and a half minutes).

These were videotaped with an old AIPTEK camera I got at Walgreens Pharmacy half a decade ago (we call it Dinky Camera now)…and the creations were an exercise of joy more than ability.

When I first saw Professor’s Oz’s multimedia presentations for class, I was so overwhelmed with interest (“Trinidad! How did he DO that”?!!!!), I just had to do something in response – and that led to this little series of short videos. They went well, too, with one of the other classes I had that semester, The Humanities as a Technique for Living (especially the unit on Happiness).

I created the YouTube channel ltrez142 in order to share my ‘work’ with my professors and classmates. I’ve had to swear off Movie Maker for the time being…the movies (just 4) I made for classes last fall are all on ltrez142 on YouTube.

When I complete my Bachelor’s Degree and get into the New Media Journalism Master’s program at Full Sail University (next spring), I’m going to get back to making films – documentaries, I hope, but for now, there’s just no time for that much fun, let alone the time it’s going to take for me to get really good at it. It was a lot of fun making these videos, and the memories right now are priceless, for me anyway 🙂

Eva’s Blazing Blades competition (2011) program is here, if you want to see her in action – she’s amazing, especially for a girl whose family can’t afford anywhere near the amount of coaching or private ice time that other kids get.  Eva’s attitude is a joy – a year ago she’d been skating in the same dress and skates for 2 years, her tights were in tatters, and I couldn’t afford to have her hair professionally done for competition, but she never complained about any of that. Just like our whole family – just being able to skate is worth not being in high-style (although, thank you “Santa Claus” for the Zuca bags!).

And these days, anyway, skating is just a dream.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Dreaming

Perfect timing for this…I’ve been dreaming about returning to ice skating. It’s been a long year and a half off the ice (following an auto accident), but I think my couch potato days are nearly over; early next week I see the hip doctor, and I hope this time to get a date for surgery. Maybe, just maybe, skating again is on the horizon?

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The Replacements

A recent post by a fellow blogger coupled with my own impending birthday got me to thinking about lots of things past and present. While I think it is unhealthy to dwell on the past, I believe it is good to glance back periodically – for nothing more than a progress check and an acknowledgement that it was the past that led to the present.

It is customary to celebrate children’s birthdays, although I have read about families who celebrate MOM on a child’s birthday; in ‘honor’ of my own birthday, I would like to celebrate my own children.

I wrote in a not-too-distant post of my own about things that happen twice in my life; having two ‘sets’ of children would be among those things. I have given birth to eight children…two sets of four, each three girls and a boy, in that order. I would have had more if time and health would have allowed, although a rather bitter comment on said post suggested that my second set is a replacement for the first. I chose not to ‘allow’ that comment, because I suspect it is from a person (party to the loss of my first four children) I would rather not argue with publicly, and because I also believe that sometimes the best response is no response. (Actually, I’d rather not argue at all, but some people are predisposed to arguing and a year of legal studies has made me keenly aware of my aversion to arguments). My response is here: no, the second set was not a replacement…would that question have been posed if I’d had five or six or ten more children? Or ‘just’ one? Children cannot be replaced. And, life must go on. Further, I will not apologize for things that are not my fault. ‘Nuf said, and time to move on.

For quite some time now, I’ve been asking my husband to help me scan in some old photos for I post I’d call “memories.” I have pictures I’d like to share of some horses I’ve had in the past, pets I’ve had, and most especially I have wanted to post pictures of ALL my children. But, the printer-scanner is connected to my husband’s computer – which I will not touch, for reasons I have explained elsewhere – and my husband has not yet taken the time to assist me in using his computer…so, the old photos remain on shelves and walls and in photo albums. The only photos I have to post are the ones I’ve taken in the last year or so…and so much has changed for the better even since just the beginning of this year, I am reluctant even to look at photos that are more than a month or two old.

Here, in celebration of my own birthday, are the not-replacements:

Trinidad:

Little Big Sister

who needs an umbrella?

sunsets are the best

award winning flutist

Rane:

awesome – academic achievement award!

BFFs

2 faves: Milo and Blue Blankie

future storm chaser

Eva:

Blazing Blades

with Wiggle Puppy

at the bus stop

the athlete

Zack:

above it all

a quiet moment

top of the world

(nearly) always on the go